For this 6 months..

the last post in this blog was 2nd of June 2008..
till now...i oni decide to continue to blog..
bcoz i realise blogging is the best way to express my feelings..
many things happen in this 6th month..
i quit my singer life, i met a guy, i made new frens in college..
learnt to noe wats the real meaning of frenship..straighten my hair recently n alot more..
when i look back to this 6 months, i feel dat i've grown up..
things werent not like wat i thought last time..im even more open-minded...
well, lets talk about school first..
the first sem, i love my classmates very much!!!!
always have fun, go out wif them, do assignment together, give opinions to each other..
make real real gud frens, who understand me, hlp me when i m in troubles..
listen to my grandma stories n c me cry silently..

these are my classmates::^^

results oso okok la...nid improvement lo..juz got 3.785
i muz work hard everytime, to maintain the full scholarship..
actually its very tiring..but for my own gud, my parents own gud..im willing to do so..
the 2nd sem, there is changes in my frens and assignment partners..
well, shd say she betrayed or thats her choice?? watever..juz dun bother..
say till family, v r still the same..3 ppl n 8 hamsters in the house..
sumtimes v quarrel, until i run away from the house..
n the 8 hamsters oso fight with each other too..
but there is also happy moments in my house..^^
say til investments, i got a grand piano in my house, dats a reward for my pmr results..
which i got straight a's..
n now i got a new myvi as my spm result's gift lo!!!
i named it as cherng cherng..to remember a guy i loved so much..
n i love driving bcoz of him..i got courages from him when i c him driving..
unfortunately i bang my new car on the 5th day..sigh..
the front bump kemek le..the hon oso misplaced..zz
but i will still love the car..bcoz i no nid to take bus to skul, or anywhere i wanna go..
n sumtimes i can even find my bf when i miss him..but now..im not the one to do this anymore..
say till relationship..
well, again i faced a great failure..
i was so happy..so happy..dat he appeared in my life..

the picture of the first week we are in a relationship

make me feel the real happiness..protect me..and make me forget about my past..
he mended up my broken heart wif quality threads until there is no more scar..
no more crying for the one i reli love long long ago..
sumone i love for 5 years..the pain gained for 5 years..
the starting, v loved each other day by day..
things were goin so smoothly..
until the day his parents realised he is in a relationship..
they stopped him by threatening him..
v started underground love..meet less..cant eat together in college..cant enter the school together anymore..
i started to feel not safe once v dun meet..arguements started ..
sumtimes i reli wish to gif up..but i did not..bcoz i believe one day rainbow will appear after a big storm..
u may think that im naive, but i feel happy to think like dat!
cries, worries, anger,anxiety, laughter happened in this 6 months..
but now its all gone...
i did tried my best to save this relationship, which means alot to me..
bcoz i reli appreciate it..even though sumtimes i will ask for break up..
but i reli din mean it..
till now nobody knows me well..(sobbing)
i seldom show my tenders to people, once im fear i will juz show my anger to protect myslf..
maybe this made him fed up for me..
or maybe there is sumone even more important to him..
i dun mean anything to him anymore..
lots of people tell me he is a playboy, but i always trusted him..
recently there were rumors about him and another gal..
dat reli kills me..y will all this happen in a sudden..in a week..
do i deserve all this kind of ending once i really 100% fall in love for someone?
leaving me alone..to clean up this mess..
this few days i cant eat..i've only ate two piece of biscuits for a whole day!
my hand start to keep shaking..like those drug addicted people..
whatever i do..he will not concern anymore..
his life doesnt belong to me anymore..
sometimes i typed sms to find him, but in the end i saved it in my drafts..
i tried to hate him..but i cant..
im not like him can gif up the other one so easily..
my fragile heart is broken again..
the last time i gained my happiness was last wednesday..
we went to pavilion for movie-transporter 3 in a warm couple seat and enjoyed carl's jnr superstar..
take pictures wif the big big christmas tree..

i love this picture very much, becoz i love christmas tree and him alot

and do sumthg naughty in my new car..
but the second day, he was totally changed when he fetch me to college...
till this week..i can sense it..
dats y i plan to meet him up n haf a talk..
but things seemed to get worse n worst...
n now i can juz live in my memories..
clean the mess alone..
ppl dont c me crying in skul..even my parents nvr saw me crying bcoz of this too..
but rite in the middle of the night..when he was in his sweet dreams, i was alone..crying..
n thinking of the past..every thing..i still can remember it clearly..
which part of his face got pimples, how his hair look alike on dat day..
wat shirt he wore on dat day...its like in the reality..
even though there is no tears out sumtimes..but i forced myslf to cry
untill i feel tired n fell asleep..to run away from my brain which love to think even though i slp..
i miss the nites u say gd nite to me..the nites u told me u missed me..
but now, im goin to face this depression alone..u haf bailed it..so gud..
i noe u will get a new girl soon..very very soon..
deep down inside i envy,im sad, but i cant get u back anymore..
i can juz cry to express my feelings..or even slap u when i c u holding another girl's hands
but slowly i will let u go..s the feel of love n concern for u..
as long as ur happy..im willing to feel sad..n face all this alone..
i can nvr tell u dat i love u anymore..
i can juz watch back the video i recorded..
watch u leave me gradually from the college hall n c ur back, the way u walk for the last time..
baby daddy..i love u..thx for ur last drop of tears for me yesterday..
for ur last hug, for ur last pinch, for the last kiss on my forehead which meant alot to me
even though it means ntg to u anymore..
thank you so much..
T______T

out last shot together at pavilion,10/12/2008, wednesday, 9.15pm

this will be the end of our journey..