I'm Back! With tears~~

WOW!!!Its been almost a month that i m not here...
haiz..
alot of things happen....
sad n happy.......
i got kick in talentime night..bcoz the judges think dat my attitude is bad..
even though i said or did nothing which offended them...
n my partner had nvr protect me...
its me who expected too much??is it me to be selfish or wat??
haiz...i dunno..
there r alot of feelings inside me....haiz...anger, relief,fury...haiz...alot more!
m i really dat bad??? i reli did ntg!!!! i m innocent!!!!
it feels so bad to see my partner enter the finals but not me....
till now, it still hurts deeply....
I reli cherish the moments for the competition, but did you???
Wat r u thinking?? Is my intuation right or i had been thinking too much??!!
I m very dissapointed...not only towards the judges, but oso you, my partner...
Sometimes i say something bad bcoz i reli dunno watelse i can do..
it doesnt worth to do gud thgs but end up wif so unlucky life!
sumore...i borrowed u my hp to call the idiots up till no credit...
talking about kicking me out!!!!
how can i not be angry??!!! its human nature! whoever went thru this felt the same as me...
haiz..or maybe i should give up for my dreams..
i m not dat lucky as you....
n i m very fear of loosing a fren n a partner like you(even though my frens all said u r useless)
bcoz i noe...its now the starting of ur star life....
no longer ur dreams will come true....
no longer, i m not dat important anymore....
i thought i can oways go explore wif you...but looks like i dun have that fate..
Besides, i've broke up with jeremy...
well...i dun wanna waste his time...as i know...we werent meant to be...
n how come recently, i feel like having relationship wif other guys means ntg anymore in my life??
izzit getting hurt too deeply??
sumtimes v will nvr get wat v want..even though how much v put effort on it.....
dats y, i will nvr face anyone wif sincerity anymore....
i will learn to overcome human beings with a mask...
n hide up wats reli inside me....
haiz.....hope dat human being change...to be sumone sincere n honest...
Hang Hang passed away....the 7 new born babies were gone too....
it reli very hurts...alot of bad things happen to me recently....
she was my first little baby hamster my ex boyfriend gave me during last yr's christmas....
i told myslf n promise him to take gud care of her...
unfortunately...she passed away bcoz of my carelessness....
now she's gone...everything juz exist in memories...
n wat i can do now is to love her babies n her nxt generation....
Hang Hang, thank you for giving so many happiness to my family....
thank you for giving birth these 4 lil naughty but cute hamsters...
I will alway love you..you will be always in my mind!!!
Sometimes i reli wish to cry in sumbodys hug....
but i couldnt find sumone i can rely on....
Nowadays ppl see me with smiling face...but they will nvr noe,
i m depressed deep down inside....